Its ok to not be ok right now!
Im not after pity here, I just wanted to share my experience as we are all feeling such heaviness during these difficult covid times.
Yesterday I woke up crying for no apparent reason, the tears just kept on flowing, I was blubbing pathetically uncontrollably on and off all day. I felt as though I was engulfed with heartache, sorrow and grief. I guess the impermanence of life and the heavy burden that the world is carrying right now just sucked the wind right out of my sails – and I didn’t see it coming at all.
I recognised immediately that this was simply a huge letting go, so that I could find my way back to myself. Dark times allow you to see more clearly, it is these moments when we forget who we are, have lost our way, our sense of identity as well as purpose that connect us to the real struggle that lives inside of us. We, as human beings try to stay resilient and hold on (it’s easier than letting go), but eventually emotions will always find their way to the surface.
My lifelines yesterday were big hugs from my husband, a long healing walk/ chat with my bestie and a deep meaningful phone chat (between tears) with another very close friend. We have been a constant support to each other throughout this whole pandemic, and if they both read this they will know who they are.
Then phone chats with my mum and dad, my son, my daughter (whom gave me some beautiful advice and in fact encouraged me to share this today) – I was slowly pieced back together again with love.
Family and friends are a lifeline in times like this and if there’s one thing this past year has taught us, it is to keep them close. We need each other right now!
If you resonate with any of this and if you are feeling down, please remember to be kind to yourself, and nourish yourself. Give yourself permission to cry, be angry, be fearful, be needy, sit with whatever is coming up and then releasing these negative feelings literally opens you up to happiness, joy and inner peace.
It’s ok to feel vulnerable and have a melt down, it’s ok to grieve the loss of your freedom, it’s human nature. Resist and you will suffer….
Keep your loved ones close, talking, sharing and caring is healing. We are all cumulatively going through this together, let’s walk each other home with belief, hope and optimism of a brighter future.
Today I’m having a good day, I’m staying present and offering my raw-ness and darkness to shine the light for others by writing this. I’m also reflecting, contemplating as well as recognising everything that I have to be grateful for in my life – which is so so much.
Even though I don’t have any real direction at the moment, I can’t be who I was and I don’t know who I am becoming, I do know that these precarious times are helping me to learn about myself and evolve. From forgotten dreams to new beginnings …..
I truly believe that as a collective we are building a more conscious, more robust, brave new world
Take care of yourselves
Big hugs B xxx
Ps those if you that have been asking for more live zoom classes, please know that my teaching comes from my heart and how I feel, it is also inspired by real life experiences. I hope you understand that right now I’m running on empty and feel that I don’t want to put pressure on myself. I’m taking some time out for maintenance to look after me.
However I’m going to start posting more YouTube classes from next week so watch this space.