Hallelujah! I was just looking at some of our Morocco retreat photos and came across this playful one of me on the beach, 6 months ago I couldn’t hold my left arm out like this without there being a numbing pain!
My shoulder is slowly – very slowly but finally I think starting to heal. When I took a moment to think about it, I realised that I am not in as much pain as I was 3 months ago and finally this must mean the beginning of the long road to recovery. It’s been a full year of very intense pain at times and tears of frustration and many many nights of discomfort in bed.
I’m still no where close to doing arm balances or deep back bends again yet but I can feel that I have made a little progress. It’s been a year of such deep acceptance on every level and a year of dare I say – seriously unlearning shoulder loop alignment technique that I feel was very over emphasised for me, in my many years of Anusara trainings.http://www.yogajournal.com/…/alignment-cues-decoded-draw-s…/
My recent trip to Morocco was a wonderful turning point as I was literally on the verge of taking my surgeons advice and going down the route of surgery before I left, in fact I had an appointment booked for when I got back which I have since cancelled.
So I taught the yoga holiday and also did my own rounded but quite basic practice every day, less can be more sometimes and for me, this has been the staple to my recovery. Add to that prana, rest, laughter, uplifting contagious energy and sunshine then you have healing.
The following week I stayed on for a personal holiday with my husband where we practiced together most days and I was able to really focus on myself and where my shoulder and arm was positioned in every pose. We even shot video of ourselves and when I watched it back, it was a great teacher, literally it showed how my injured shoulder was sometimes compromised. At home, with my busy yoga teaching schedule, my body had begun to pick up the habit whereby my right side was doing more work to protect the left where there was an obvious weakness. In fact I saw this again this morning when he videoed me doing a wide legged headstand in my warm up before my class.
I still have a long way to go yet, bursitis and tendinitis in my left arm and a tear/ impingement to the rotator cuff don’t heal quickly, but finally, I now believe in my body’s capability to heal and I’m not allowing myself to spiral.
I have to thank 2 therapy friends (osteo and physio), that have both encouraged me and firmly told me that I more than anyone can do this without surgery. There have been many times when I seriously didn’t believe them or believe in my capability to this and nearly buckled.
I do however powerfully believe that attitude is everything, mindset can get through anything. In fact brain studies now reveal that thoughts produce the same mental instructions as actions. I also see that injuries are opportunities in disguise, we have to use them to learn about ourselves in the belief that we will always come back stronger and more knowledgeable😊
This time more than any other I am realising that yoga is a practice of allowing. It allows us to be weak, to stumble, to be brave, to be strong, to fall and then surrender, to survive, to be raw, to be real and to be nothing less and nothing more than the reflection of myself which is perfectly imperfect.
B 💖