My heart is full to the brim with gratitude for this life that I am living right now. Before I went away I knew that something had to give in order to make space for new teaching offerngs that I have been churning around in my head for a few months now. Being off grid, my mind became calm, my perception altered and I had time to reflect, consequently I have made some positive decisions that feel right for me at the moment.
Last year I learnt a lot about myself, I was not sure what direction I was heading with my teaching, and fear was definitely present, especially when I decided to go it on my own so to speak without a regular income to fall back on from working for a studio. This undoubtedly is why I worked so much, set myself goals and became too driven, my earnings most certainly reflected my hard work but I also got injured and actually lost myself and a sense of direction. “Can I make it on my own, am I capable of this, am I worthy, am I a good enough teacher” – were all questions that I constantly asked myself and then I set more targets and took on even more. On hindsight perhaps I was trying to prove something to myself, after all most of us feel that effort equals success but actually over effort can mean struggle and lack of fulfilment personally. I was doing too much and therefore not enjoying what I love with a passion – teaching and sharing yoga.
Forward wind and right now, my body is telling me where I am and I’m listening, I feel completely joyful. This week I am on fire, weaving yoga poses together with creativity, strength, grace, sweet surrender, celebration and real passion. On top of that, I seem to have re-found a wonderful certainty for who I am and what I am again and I absolutely do not feel the need to prove myself, compete or compare myself to others, (we are all guilty of that from time to time).
I have given myself complete permission to undo some stuff on my calendar, under-achieve, back off and shrink a little in order to embrace more vastness but with less struggle and effort, as the saying goes – ‘Less is more’. Of course fear is always present but it is no longer dictating my choices or direction in life. Right now, I feel very comfortable in myself, I feel a little more whole, more free and more importantly, I believe in myself. I know what I love doing, I know what I’m best at, I know what the student’s that attend my classes love and feel that it’s vital that I pursue this desire and let go of the other stuff that is less meaningful or fulfilling to me.
Sometime’s in life we take dips and dive’s and sometimes we simply fly effortlessly and then soar even higher. Finally I am flying again, who would have thought that slacking could be more inspiring, I can see the horizon, everything is becoming more clear.
Here’s to slacking, more reading, studying, learning, writing, planning and then sharing …..
Aha – watch this space yogi’s ……
Love B xxx